Slow motion weekend

I spent this past weekend at the folks house. TV and food eatin'. Just like the way I planned. Baby Emma came to visit and was pretty much carried around the house for 5 hours. Attention is good, eh?

The Sucks were destroyed by the Nets on Saturday. Nothing seemed to go right for them. I guess when your best player has to face Canadian Authorities right after the game, his mind could be on other things that day. I expect them to win a few games in this series, but damn...they laid a gigantic egg.

On the other hand, the Brewers are coming up big and actually winning games for once. They haven't been this close to .500 this late in the season (yes, its only april) for a while. They've won 8 games this month and there's about 10 games to go...they won 8 games in April last season. I feel like they're a winner already...but that's because I'm used to them never winning. Why do I care so much?

Family Guy DVD finally arrived. I have most of the episodes on VCR tape, but this DVD of a masterpiece of a show will replace them. I'm not sure why they shelved the show. I distinctly remember the last week it was shown last summer. They replaced it with American Idol. I blame the shallow and cheap success of that show for the demise of a quality show like the Family Guy...and yes, I mean that.

Tax Retun = debt retired. Yay!

I'm told that there has not been enough comical content on my web log lately. I haven't had a matter-of-fact story with a cynical punchline for you...so these are for you, Nick:

This man is walking along the beach, when he spots this woman crying. She has no arms and no legs, but otherwise has a gorgeous body and a beautiful face.

He stops and asks her why she is crying.
She answers, "I just want someone to hug me."
So he leans over, picks her up, gives her a warm, tender hug, then sets her down again.
She thanks him, and he continues on his way.
Later that afternoon, he is walking back along the beach, he spots the woman again, who's still crying.
He asks her what's wrong now. She answers, "I just want someone to kiss me"
So he leans over, picks her up, gives her a long, passionate kiss, then sets her down again.
She thanks him, and he continues on his way.
Later that evening, he's finishing off yet another walk along the beach, and once again, he sees the woman, still crying.
He asks her what's wrong this time, and she answers, "I just want someone to fuck me."
So he leans over, picks her up, carries her down to the pier, walks down to the end of it, throws her off the edge, and shouts down to her, "Now you're fucked!"

...not funny enough for you?

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. he threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly. "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

That was probably too nerdy for you. Try this one:

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Nah, lets get back to the down and dirty classic: the blonde joke.

A guy and a blonde are going at it in the back of a van.
The blonde says "put a finger in me"
So he does.
Then she says "put another finger in me" and he does.
"Put another finger in me" and again he does.
"Put your whole hand in me," and he does...
"Put your other hand in me" and again he obeys.
"Now clap"
At this point he replies "I can't!"

"Tight huh?"

Well...Since nothing anecdotally funny happened to me today...this is what you get. Good Day.

. . [~] . 0 (Grumble) Grumbles .